I still remember – her scent, the way she talks, smiles.
I don’t know why my heart is hurting even though that person has left me for more than 3 years. I cannot help to cry every time she came into my mind. I’m still grieving. I’m still in denial. I wish she is still here – with me. Because I know she is the only one who will support me in anything I do.
I miss you.
It’s as if you’re still here with me. I don’t understand why God took away your life. There is so many things I want to tell you, and I need you here with me. Because I feel like losing myself in the midst of life problems and pressure. It’s painful to know that you’re gone.
Losing someone you love with all your heart is difficult and coping is a lot harder.
My Grandma is the most wonderful woman on earth.
She is beautiful, she’s fluent in Dutch and English. She also knows a bit of french and Japanese. She was born in ’27 (I think so). She was 87 when she passed away. She loves to cook – she made delicious cuisines and delicacies. No one has that talent in the family – not even close to what she did.
She loves people – she likes to smile at others. My grandma loves each and every grandchild she has. When we were little she used to sang a dutch lullaby called “slaap kentje slaap”. The memory of her is still very much alive inside of me. At times I still can sense her sitting on that sofa, reading newspaper and smiling at me – I hope I’m not crazy.
Her death devastated me.
I did not see that coming, although I could feel like she’s leaving us at that moment when she was admitted to the hospital. I cannot visit her grave – that makes me weak.
She’s the most wonderful human being I’ve ever met in my life. I have so much regrets. She cannot see me graduating from university. I did not use my time wisely with her. God knows how much I love her and how much she means to me and my life.
I know that she would be happy knowing that I applied for a master’s degree in the Netherlands. She loves that country – even though Indonesia has been a dutch colony for more than 100 years, she always told me that Amsterdam is an amazing city and she would want me to go there.
My parents doubted me.
So many people did – even my own self.
It’s our dream.
My beloved guardian angel. How are you? are you happy? did you meet grandfather up there? do you see me? can you feel me? I’ve been missing you. Things has never been the same since you left. I’m sorry about everything I’ve done wrong. I’m sorry I made you worry every time I got admitted to hospital.
I still remember, you’re the first person I saw when I opened my eyes in that recovery room. You patiently wait for me, you prayed for me. I still remember you told me to be strong no matter how painful those procedure was. You told me to be brave and taught me that I should never feel low or degraded just because I was born with disability.
I promise I will take you to Amsterdam – with you inside my heart.
I have loved you yesterday, I love you today and I will always love you – Forever.